Category Archives: Random

How to (Not) Support Your Partner Upon His Vasectomy: A Step-by-Step Guide

So, he’s going to get the big V! You’ve debated about it for hours, days, or years and finally decided that his swimmers are getting kicked out of the pool for good. For my husband and I, it was less a rational discussion and more of a battle cry oft repeated through a complicated third pregnancy. L’Shana Haba’ah Vasectomy! Although our dedication to sterility waned a bit immediately after our beautiful baby was born, a few months later we looked again at our three children under five, our inability to save or find me a job to cover the cost of daycare, and our seemingly unending future of sleep deprivation torture, and decided to do the snip.

The Vasectomy: This time it’s HIS turn

Assuming that your partner has been like mine, a true mensch and a source of support and (most of the time) assistance through long pregnant days and sleepless newborn nights, you’ll want to extend the same courtesy to him for what is a psychologically daunting procedure. Men do seem to care a great deal about their balls. I don’t understand it, but I can be there for him. That’s why I’ve created this simple step-by-step guide- your partner will be so thankful.

1. Act Casual

It’s not a big deal, this whole thing, right? In fact, you should be like me and model such excellent nonchalance that he’ll think that you actually forgot about it. And that you didn’t schedule a babysitter or actively plan to be at his side. Okay, maybe you did do that, but you did make some last minute calls when he asked why you didn’t plan to come to his (minor!!!) surgical procedure. That counts!

2. Express Support and Concern

When he does seem like he wants to discuss the upcoming procedure, be there to hear his concerns. And voice your own, of course. About his health, and about the fact that you won’t be able to have any more babies any more ever, and doesn’t he think that the timing is a little crazy and that this decision is a little rash, after all? Why make it permanent? Sure, you don’t plan on having more children- but what’s wrong with condoms for the next 12-15 years that you remain fertile? They don’t bother you!

3. Document the Process

Even though he might be feeling apprehensive and a little irritable, make sure to take pictures of the process to document it for your blog. He’ll thank you later, I promise.

This is not annoying at all

4. Encourage Recovery

After the procedure, go ahead and leave him and the three kids at home while you rush to the pharmacy to pick up his Vicodin prescription. If there happens to be a long line, feel free to sit and wait in the lobby area. If there are a few new US Weekly magazines to peruse while you wait, no problem. He and the kids will be fine.

5. Maintain Comforting Routines

After a traumatic incident, it’s often best to keep up with your normal routines. If he regularly wakes up at dawn with the kids on Saturday while you sleep in, why change that now? That icepack he was up changing all night long was sure to keep down the swelling.

6. Help Transition Back to Normalcy

Although taking narcotics post-procedure is helpful, your partner might need you to suggest backing off of the heavy-duty stuff or transitioning to Ibuprofen instead. Even if he had what his urologist called “a bleeder,” for safety purposes he should ease off the Vicodin. Because he’s got to save some for you! (Note: I’m just kidding!)

Houston, we have a bleeder

7. Harness His Other Sources of Support

Make sure that others can also support him by letting all of them know. Is he walking a tad funny? Point it out in a loud and clear voice so that they don’t have to worry. Does his bulge seemingly protrude? Assure everyone that’s it is just an icepack from his recent vasectomy! No cause for alarm!

8. Be Authentic to Your Own Emotions

As carefully as you’ve handled his concerns and fears, you must find the space to share your own to preserve the balance in your relationship. So if he forwards you a birth announcement from an acquaintance four days after the procedure, feel free to let those tears flow. You’ll never have another newborn, after all. At least not with him.

Estimated Cost of Family Planning/Creation Procedures:
You- $78,000 (3 births)
Him- 35 bucks

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Technical Difficulties….

Where’s Pippi Longstocking when you need her?

Well, I was gearing up to try and figure out how to throw together a delightfully entertaining food related post in keeping with our themes, when our dishwasher began spewing suds across the kitchen floor a la creature from the deep. Or perhaps the Blob. Instead of staging the perfect food photos in my apple dappled apron, I was stuck mopping and sopping up the endless suds eking out of the dish machine. Any clue as to what could cause this?

The event was reminiscent of a time when I was around 7 or 8. My grandparents were watching my sister and I while our parents were off globetrotting. The day began with us witnessing our dog get hit by a truck in front of the school bus. I grabbed her limp form and held her as she breathed her last. The bus driver was awkwardly perched at the edge of our drive, witnessing the tragic scene. Perhaps we should have waved her on. Instead, my grandparents shuffled us onto the bus, tears streaming down our reddened cheeks.  Later in the day, the dishwasher began spewing clouds of suds onto the wood floor and around the kitchen island. Grandma had used dish-washing fluid in the newfangled contraption instead of dish washer fluid, as is made specifically for the device. That was the last time I have seen such a comedic kitchen spectacle. I assure you, I did not confuse my fluids, and yet, the cause of this disturbing occurrence is a complete mystery to me.

When I had finally cleared the soap and water from the floor I set on my way to continue with creating my culinary content. Alas! I was thwarted. My camera battery is completely dead, no charger to be found, and my phone is going through it’s dramatic death throes and will no longer take pictures (its last image is the above, perhaps the sight of the soap emotionally overwhelmed my poor camera phone?). So, I figure there’s no use posting my delightful guacamole recipe with out showing you pictures of it. Fear not, brave reader, the time will soon come!

So for today, no recipe. Now, I’m off to don my scrubber shoes and slide across the parquet with Pippi!

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Filed under Mondays, Random